Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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