glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
