I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
