I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize