I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize