I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
