Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
