My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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