literally had 100 drinks last night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
worst night to have a conscience
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
