my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well I just put wine in my tea
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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