So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ladies don't puke and tell
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
