If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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