I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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