Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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