Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize