I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
