Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
