With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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