i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
