She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
