So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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