i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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