I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
