He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
