please come you make the beer taste better
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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