it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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