she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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