He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize