he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
