I want to walk on stilts...naked
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
