Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
