He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
