I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
