i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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