I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
