Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
