I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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