There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
