i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
