around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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