Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
