Everything about him screamed your future.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
