Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
