no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
