My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
