we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
