When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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