oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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