I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
