So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize