I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
