I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
