So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
