My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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