Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
