who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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