dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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