she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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