I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
