I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize