It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just had sex on a roof
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
