Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
My vagina just clenched in fear
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
