I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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