i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
