Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
