What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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