her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
