they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize