she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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