I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize