Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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