So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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