i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
