and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
