ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I intend to get homeless drunk
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
