he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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