We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
pray to the hookup gods
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
its liver damage thursday
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
