he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
