He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize