UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
God I need to hump something, right now.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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