thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Found the puke drawer
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
