suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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