and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
