i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
