When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
