I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
