Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
