soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
