So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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