drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize