What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I will be naked everywhere
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
