If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize