We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
