She is in my trunk
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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