The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
