I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
