i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
COCAINE IS GR8
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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