that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's blow job season.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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